8
components that contribute to great sex
Canwest News Servic July 2, 2009, posted on http://www.canada.com
Peggy Kleinplatz's sex research identified eight components that
significantly contribute to great sex:
1.
Being present, focused and embodied
According
to the study, being fully and completely present during sexual experiences
was the first and most frequently mentioned factor
contributing to great sex. As one woman described, "You are not a person
in a situation. You are it. You are the situation."
"It's
being fully alive," says Kleinplatz, "in one skin, engaged with the
partner — emotionally, intellectually, physically, spiritually — in the moment."
2.
Connection, alignment, merger, being in sync
The
report notes that "the depth of the connection between partners was one of
the most critical elements of the experience regardless of duration
of the relationship."
3.
Deep sexual and erotic intimacy
Kleinplatz
describes this as the foundation of a relationship that makes optimal
sexuality a possibility. It involves deep mutual respect, caring,
genuine acceptance and admiration. As Kleinplatz notes, "you can't
trust just anyone."
4.
Extraordinary communication, heightened empathy
While
marital counsellors are trained in teaching communications skills to
clients, Kleinplatz describes the study's participants as having "black belts"
in communications.
"These
weren't people who learned all about the other sex's genitalia and then
just applied the technique," she says. "These were people who were
so engaged in and with their partners' bodies that they could
read their partners' responses, not only touching them, but feeling them."
5.
Authenticity, being genuine, uninhibited, transparency
"This
is pretty much the opposite of self-consciousness," says Kleinplatz. "It's
allowing oneself to be emotionally naked while being seen by a
partner." One of the study's subjects noted "I don't know that I'm
capable of having great sex anymore without caring about a partner."
6.
Transcendence, bliss, peace, transformation, healing
Participants
in the study often reported a sense of timelessness or the infinite during
great sex. "There was often a moment of aliveness beyond
anything they'd experienced before," says Kleinplatz. "Their
experience often really was exalted, and (the subjects) would use language borrowed
from religion to describe it, because there are no words
in the vocabulary of sexology to describe it."
7.
Exploration, interpersonal risk-taking, fun
This,
says Kleinplatz, is where participants describe sex as an adventure. She
uses a line from The Who song Bargain: "I'm looking for a free ride to
me. I'm looking for you."
"I've
always thought it was one of the most erotic lines I've heard," she adds.
"This is about being on a journey of self-discovery, with sex as the
pathway.
"And
it's also a lot of fun."
8.
Vulnerability and surrender
"If
authenticity is about what's happening within and choosing to be
emotionally naked," Kleinplatz explains, "vulnerability is more about the
willingness to be seen naked. It's an awareness that I'm letting you
inside of me, penetrating one another's souls."
©
Copyright (c) The Ottawa Citizen
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