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 Yes, dear. Tonight again.
 
 By Ralph Gardner Jr.
  
 June 9, 2008
  
 Let's say you and your spouse haven't had sex in so long that you can't remember the last time
 you did. Not the day. Not the month. Maybe not even the season. Would you look for
 gratification elsewhere? Would you file for divorce? Or would you turn to your mate and say,
 "Honey, you know, I've been thinking. Why don't we do it for the next 365 days in a row?"

 That's more or less what happened to Charla and Brad Muller. And in another example of an
 erotic adventure supplanting married ennui, a second couple, Annie and Douglas Brown,
 embarked on a similar, if abbreviated journey: 101 straight days of post-nuptial sex.

 Both couples document their exploits in books published this month, the latest entries in what is
 almost a mini-genre of books offering advice about the "sex- starved marriage." The couples,
 though, are hardly similar. The Mullers are Bible- studying steak-eating Republicans from
 Charlotte, North Carolina

 The Browns are backpacking multigrain northerners who moved to Boulder, Colorado The
 Mullers' book, "365 Nights," is rather modest and circumspect in its details. The Browns'
 book, "Just Do It," almost makes the reader feel part of a threesome, sharing everything they
 used to stimulate sexual desire (it's hard to visualize and even harder to explain).

 To many spouses, "married sex" may sound like an oxymoron. And "married- with-children
 sex" may sound like that elusive antimatter. Indeed, reigniting a couple's desire for each other
 has fueled an entire therapeutic industry from Kinsey to Dr. Ruth to Redbook. According to a
 2004 study, "American Sexual Behavior," by the National Opinion Research Center at the
 University of Chicago, married couples have intercourse about 66 times a year. But that
 number is skewed by young marrieds, as young as 18, who couple, on average, 84 times a
 year.

 Either way, those statistics put the Mullers and Browns in Olympic-record territory. That they
 thought a sex marathon would reinvigorate their marriages might say as much about the
 American penchant for exercise and goal-setting as it does about the state of romance.

 But the couples may also be on to something. "There's a strong relationship between rating
 your marriage as happy and frequency of intercourse," said Tom Smith, who conducted the
 "American Sexual Behavior" study. "What we can't tell you is what the causal relationship is
 between the two. We don't know whether people who are happy in their marriage have sex
 more, or whether people who have sex more become happy in their marriages, or a
 combination of those two."

 Do these couples provide any answers? Did sex every single night make them happier in their
 marriages and in life?

 Charla apparently had no intention of writing about "the gift," as she euphemistically refers to it.
 She was simply a homemaker and marketing consultant, who in 2006 wanted to give her
 husband a special 40th birthday present.

 "This is something no one else would give him," she said in an interview. "It didn't cost a lot of
 money. It was highly memorable. It met all the criteria for a really great gift."

 Brad was less than fully enthusiastic, mostly because, he says, his wife often has big ideas and
 poor follow-through. After all, she hadn't been especially generous in that department since
 they'd had their two children. He paid closer attention when he realized that she was serious.

 The book idea came up serendipitously. Charla had lunch with a friend, Betsy Thorpe, a
 former book editor and her eventual collaborator, who had relocated to Charlotte. She saw
 the stuff of literature in the couple's nightly trysts (the women met three-quarters of the way
 through the Mullers' annus mirabilis).

 While "365 Nights" was written from the women's perspective, "Just Do It" was written by the
 guy, Douglas Brown, a 42-year-old reporter at The Denver Post. Yet the change in gender
 doesn't seem to affect the point of view, perhaps because Doug comes across as a sensitive
 male, and because the sexual marathon in 2006 was his wife's idea, a way to banish suburban
 boredom after they moved to Boulder two years earlier from the East Coast.

 "I thought we don't have anything else going on," Annie said in an interview. "It might kick-start
 our marriage."

 They changed venues frequently a cabin on an ashram, a yurt in the Colorado Rockies, and in
 a hotel room in Las Vegas, where Doug was covering the annual adult-entertainment industry
 convention. "That's why we scheduled all these little trips," Annie said. "We knew it had the
 potential of getting monotonous."

 And were it not for her competitive zeal, their streak might have died well short of 100 days.
 Annie even forced her husband to have sex during a bout of vertigo. "I'm not a quitter,' she
 said. "The night he had vertigo, I said, 'I'm sorry, guy, but you've got to keep going.' "

 Doug said in an interview that on their 101st day, he felt "sort of like you had some long-
 forgotten appointment to hear some tax attorney talk about estate planning."

 After that, he said, "I think we didn't do it for a month."

 The Mullers, or at least Charla, hit a wall somewhere around the 10th month. In her book, she
 describes the gift then as "my stupid idea" and "a hidden cross to bear." But they say they
 dropped out only a few days a month, mostly because of Brad's business travel. They
 averaged 26 to 28 times a month.

 "The spirit of the gift was not to keep score," Muller said. "When he was traveling, we tried to
 make up for it, but it wasn't mandatory."

 The women are regarded with admiration, if not always envy, by their girlfriends. "My first
 reaction was please don't tell my husband," said Sydney Coffin, a friend of Charla's.

 Annie Brown is now viewed as a de facto sex therapist by her peers. Her adventure even
 inspired her friend Diane Elliston to turn off the television in the bedroom. (The Browns had
 draped tasteful fabric over theirs.)

 "We did it every day for three days in a row," Elliston said.

 APPROACHING sex as a marathon, with its own version of Heartbreak Hill, may not be the
 solution for every stagnating marriage. Lois Braverman, the president of the Ackerman Institute
 for the Family, cautioned against couples trying to keep up with the Mullers and Browns.
 "Some couples are totally satisfied with being sexual one night a week, some twice, some twice
 a month," she said. "There's no number of times that's right."

 Shoshana Bulow, a psychotherapist and certified sex therapist in Manhattan, pointed out that
 sex is a lot more complicated than frequency. "There's all sorts of reasons people lose interest
 in sex with their partner disappointments, life cycles, financial issues," she said. "Just having it
 isn't going to resolve those."

 Nonetheless, sex every day seems to have worked for the Mullers and Browns. Charla Muller
 and Annie Brown both talk about how mandated physical intimacy created more emotional
 intimacy. "It required a daily kindness and forgiveness, and not being cranky or snarky, that I
 don't think either of us had experienced before," Charla said.

 Annie said that she and her husband reached a place in their relationship that they have seldom
 approached since. "It was just this intense closeness," she said. "We were so aware of
 wherever the other person was mentally and emotionally and physically."

 Today, the Browns report they have sex approximately six times a month, or double their
 frequency before their adventure. The Mullers decline to discuss their habits, except to say that
 they fall well within the national average. And, Brad said, the sex is better. "It made it much
 easier to be open to the idea, more spontaneous," he said, "So you don't go back to that
 always gaming for it and always trying to get out of it."

 Charla agrees: "It's a lot better than it used to be. I may be slow to the take, but it was a really
 meaningful lesson."

 Douglas Brown suffers less stage fright than he once did. "There's much less of a sense of
 having to perform," he said. "After 100 days, that kind of melted away."

 All the same, he doesn't recommend the experience to everyone.

 "I'm glad we did it," he said. "But as far as a practical message, nobody needs to do it 100
 days. You don't have to climb Mount Everest to understand alpine sublime."
 
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