The
research, led by the urologist Michael Eisenberg, of the University of
California, San Francisco, and published in the Journal of Sexual
Medicine, found, somewhat predictably, that church-goers
were more likely to be virgins, but who would have thought that women with
college degrees were 5.4 times more likely to be virgins
than those without a degree?
Fortunately it is not hard to learn about sex any more. There
are hundreds of good books on the subject and, unlike school sex education,
which is geared towards discouraging pupils from doing
homework, adult guides are “how to” and “hands on”. I would recommend my
own The Sex Book (Cassell, £9.99), which explores
sexual health and sexuality in a straightforward, accessible way. Illustrated with
diagrams and position guides, the book explains what
to do, how to do it and what it will feel like.
You could also look at a US college textbook, Sexual
Interactions: Basic Understandings, by Albert Richard Allgeier and Elizabeth Rice
Allgeier. This takes a broad interdisciplinary approach and
integrates biological, psychological, social, religious, ethical, legal, emotional and
crosscultural perspectives.
For an insight into sex, contraception, STIs, pregnancy,
premenstrual syndrome and menopause from a woman’s perspective, look at Our
Bodies, Ourselves: A New Edition for a New Era, by the
Boston Women’s Health Book Collective. The original 1970s edition sold
more than three million copies and it has been updated
several times since. Another oldie but goodie is Sexual Behaviour in the Human
Female, by Alfred C. Kinsey, first published in
1953 and derived from interviews with almost 6,000 women. This book is still of great
value to anyone wanting to learn more
about female sexuality.
Reading beyond sex manuals and textbooks will give you a
broader insight into sex and sexuality as a cultural issue. I would recommend
Her Way: Young Women Remake the Sexual Revolution, by
Paula Kamen, and Sex is Not a Natural Act & Other Essays, by Leonore
Tiefer. The first is based on interviews with more
than 100 young women and explores the emergence of liberalised sexual attitudes and
behaviour in our society. The second is a
collection of essays by Tiefer that examine the social construction of sexuality and the forces
shaping and influencing sexual behaviour.
Once you begin to educate yourself about sex and female
sexuality you will realise that there is an enormous difference
between having sex
and pleasing a partner. While sexual intercourse simply
requires rudimentary anatomy, giving sexual pleasure involves biology, chemistry
and psychology as well as an understanding of
neurological and social gender differences.
No matter how well prepared you are, your first time is still
bound to be a little intimidating, but you can minimise problems by keeping
things simple. Be consistent; don’t chop and change pace,
technique and position. Limit the gymnastics and, if in doubt, stick to missionary.
(Most women feel more attractive lying flat on their
back than they do bouncing up and down on top.) Lastly, always operate a “ladies
first”policy and if at first you succeed try not
to look astonished.
Courtesy of
http://women.timesonline.co.uk
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